THINGS I LEARNED
FROM MY MOTHER

These are things I learned from my mother...

Mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION :
You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC :
"Because I said so, that's why."

My Mother taught me more LOGIC:
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT :
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY:
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
"Will you "look" at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA:
"You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished."
(In my house it was LIVER)

My mother taught me about WEATHER:
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen THEN?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION:
"Just wait until we get home."

My Mother taught me about RECEIVING:
"You are going to get it when we get home!"

My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE:
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD:
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

My Mother taught me ESP :
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"

My Mother taught me HUMOR:
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT: "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

My Mother taught me about my ROOTS:
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE:
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."

And my all time favorite...

My Mother taught me about JUSTICE: "One day you'll have kids...and I hope they turn out just like you!"

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